Okay folks, I actually could use a little help with my log-line. What I have is too long at 73 words. It's an opportunity to help me in my little publishing journey if you would like! For those of you who want to hop in and critique and feel like you need to know more about the book, here is my (terrible) SYNOPSIS, and here is my (semi-okay) QUERY. All-in-all, I would value any help from everyone in this lovely community. Thank you all!
Waking code in Nyx’s blood after the death of her father, a tech-infecting planet-killing AI named Erebus claims to be her sister and leads space-pirate Nyx to her origins as an AI/human hybrid, but now the Queen of the Protectorate wants them both and Nyx must control her blood-borne powers, or she and Erebus will become tools of oppression, and Nyx will lose what is left of her family while sacrificing her humanity.
Also... Here's a Twitter pitch that I really like that I think is TONS better that could be expanded on with a couple details but I haven't quite found a way to work it without making it too long. Maybe someone has some suggestions?
Space-pirate Nyx Marcus discovers she is an AI/human-hybrid god. Now she must determine if she is woman or machine, risking her humanity to save her family from a Queen bent on oppressing the universe.
And lastly: I already have a hook pulled directly from my book if y'all are interested. It may help with inspiration. Or it may just be an interesting side-note.
Those who can destroy a world can control the universe.
Comments for Pitch - Revised Version:
"Space-pirate Nyx Marcus discovers she is an AI/human-hybrid god after the death of her father, and now she must determine if she is woman or machine, risking her humanity to save her AI family and human crew from a Queen bent on oppressing the universe."
So "after the death of her father" is a prepositional phrase used to modify god right now. That is a misplaced modifier. What you need is - Space-pirate Nyx Marcus discovers after the death of her father that she is an AI/human-hybrid god. - Now the modifier is modifying the discovery as was intended, because it was written to show when she discovered her AI/human-hybrid ascension to godhood. I would place a period after god.
Space-pirate Nyx Marcus discovers after the death of her father that she is an AI/human-hybrid god. When a Queen bent on oppressing the universe forces her to risk her humanity in order to save both her AI and human families, Nyx must decide if she's a woman or a machine.
There is an element of information missing. What is the implication of her decision? Is it a choice that forces her to lose one or the other side of herself?
Hope this helps!?
Jennifer