That's great news! Congratulations!!

I just wanted to thank you all again for your valuable feedback. My revised pitch #2 got a Like from a publisher called Episodic, which publishes novels in serialized form. I sent them a synopsis, and they replied and asked for the first 10,000 words, so...we shall see!

Hi Steve, have you made significant revisions based on the feedback you already received? Just in general, I'd avoid character names (MC works fine) and the book title. Both deplete your precious character count without adding anything about what is at stake for your MC.

Those are some good points. Thank you!

Dune and James Bond! Super cool!

#1: I like the inclusion of The Godmaker at the end...it's a really intriguing word. There is a bit too much world building & not enough on the character/conflict. Because I haven;t read the book I don't know if it's a goo thing Perfection is anti-government or a bad thing. I don't know how to feel about the world right now. Also, the words Imperial Agent made me think Joma is a villian, not a hero (but that it probably my own Star Wars based bias) For this one, I would suggest cutting some of the world building & focusing more on the conflict Joma faces.

#2: I like the introduction of the murder. Very attention grabbing. But what murder? What does Joma have to do with it? Is he investigating it? Is he planning it? What is at stake if he fails? I'm not sure the part about his daughter fits. It's a nice details, but how does it impact the central conflict?

#3: Interesting characters, but I'm not sure how they fit together. Starting with the assassination is great! It needs conflict.

Good luck!

Pitch 1:

#PitMad #SF #A Most people view the anti-government, pro–genetic-engineering group Perfection as harmless whacktivists. But Imperial agent Lord Joma discovers that Perfection has created a system that could bring down the Emperor—a system they call the Godmaker. DUNE × JAMES BOND Too much book-specific detail that the main conflict is lost, but I like the info given on Perfection.

Pitch 2:

DUNE meets JAMES BOND. The Emperor’s agent and brother, Lord Joma, has superhuman senses and the best training and tech. Now, facing a seemingly impossible murder and his daughter’s unique learning disability, Joma may find that these advantages aren’t enough. #PitMad #SF #A A little cluttered. Might cut out "emperor's agent and brother" and just sau "Lord Joma. Also it sounds like his daughter only just now got a disability?

Pitch 3:

#PitMad #SF #A The Emperor’s top physician-scientist is assassinated. His apprentice, Bekkah, must step into his shoes. Imperial agent Lord Joma must investigate. And Joma’s teenage daughter, Ennari, is forced to tag along. It’s going to be a rough week. DUNE × JAMES BOND Basically just a list of characters without a good sense of stakes.

Overall:

I want to see what's at stake. Why is bringing down the Emperor bad and solving the murder so important? For example...

When the empire's top scientist is murdered, the bioengineered Lord Joma must find the killer... but his search reveals that a previously-ignored anti-government, pro–genetic-engineering group might have something nasty in store... and his teen daughter might be the first victim. (obviously a complete example as I don't know what happens.)

Thanks, both of you! I appreciate your taking the time.

I think 2 is the best one. It focuses on the main character and what he has to do. The only thing I'd say about it is that it could use more detail/specifics. It reads a little generic -- you might be able to cut some of the world building to give us more about the stakes and the obstacle...what must he do? What's in his way? What if he fails?

I'd include the hashtags at the end. 1 so that's a mouthful at the beginning. Maybe consider flipping it and start with the mc. What are the stakes for Joma? 2 aren't enough to do what? Other than that, this one is strong. 3 this one isn't flowing. Reads in short chunks. Could you combine some ideas and show how they connect to one another? I hope this helps! Just my thoughts. Jenn