The Castle of Lost Time is an adult fantasy novel with 3 POV characters. Here are my pitches:
When Elly's attempt to revive her husband invokes a deadly curse, their castle becomes a trap for unwary guests. Now a rogue teenage girl, a veteran assassin and his royal master must find a way out. The only problem: one of them has to die to save the others. #A #F
A noble brat in a cursed castle. A rogue teenage girl. A prince and an assassin on a murderous quest. The goddess of death will devour them all if one doesn't die to save the others. UPROOTED x WINTERNIGHT #A #F
The obvious problem is that I have too many characters. So in the first pitch, I'm tying to focus on the inciting incident and the stakes. The second is more of an overview - I don't know if it works.
Thanks for reading.
When Elly's attempt to revive her husband invokes a deadly curse, their castle becomes a trap for unwary guests. Now a rogue teenage girl, a veteran assassin and his royal master must find a way out. The only problem: one of them has to die to save the others. #A #F <Is Elly one of those characters? Or an additional one? You could choose one person to frame the pitch around to make it feel more cohesive; eg, write the pitch as if it's a 1-POV story.
A noble brat in a cursed castle. A rogue teenage girl. A prince and an assassin on a murderous quest. The goddess of death will devour them all if one doesn't die to save the others. UPROOTED x WINTERNIGHT #A #F <Why must one die to save the others? It looks to me like the main struggle needs to see more action in the pitch. I'm thinking that's the fact that three people are stuck in a cursed castle. I'd just open with the castle getting cursed, and how to escape, and maybe just a one-or-two word descriptor for the main characters.
For example:
[MC] is [doing what?] at the royal castle when [what happens to show the castle gets cursed? like all the doors close?]. Now she's stuck here with [quick character cast], and their only way out is to sacrifice someone in order to [what?].