Hi everyone! I have 3 Twitter pitches that I'd love feedback on for Pitmad. Thank you in advance!
1) SPIRITED AWAY + WICKED FOX
Taiwanese-American Sierra Li is a hulijing, a fox spirit. When her parents fall ill to a pandemic, the only way to cure them is to travel through the Underworld to bury the ashes of her grandmother, a legendary nine-tailed fox #PitMad #MG #Ownvoices
2) SPIRITED AWAY+DRAGONPEARL (RICK RIORDAN PRESENTS)
Bullied for:
Being Asian? Yup
Glasses? Yup
Being suspected for making everyone sick? Yup
Being a fox spirit? Yup
Being sent to the Chinese Underworld to save her parents? Uh-oh
3) SPIRITED AWAY+WICKED FOX
Time is running out for Sierra as she goes through the Chinese Underworld to save her parents & bury the ashes of her grandmother, a legendary nine-tailed fox. As time runs out, she loses her fox powers, her parents, AND her life. #PitMad #MG #Ownvoices
Sounds great!
#1: Love this one. I agree about cutting some of the extra words and seeing if there is a way to introduce her loss of powers & life if she fails.
#2: I love the tone of it, but I'm not sure it's quite as effective as the other ones. Maybe consider re-structuring it a bit. "Sierra Li is bullied for her Taiwanese heritage, her glasses, and her secret life as a fox spirit. When a pandemic strikes and her parents fall ill, only a trip through the Chinese underworld can save them." That's just a quick suggestion.
#3: The repeating of "time runs/running out" is a little distracting for me. Also, I think it needs a brief mention of her parents being ill to give it context.
Good luck!
1) This is strongest for me as it covers all the bases, can agree with Jennifer on her points (nixing hulijing, pandemic).
2) Wouldn't recommend this, the points aren't parallel and it looks kitschy.
3) The final line here is strong but the opening lines aren't as engaging as those in #1. I might try a mesh, such as:
Taiwanese-American Sierra Li is a fox spirit. When her parents fall ill, the only way to cure them is to travel through the Underworld to bury the ashes of her grandmother, a legendary nine-tailed fox... before she loses her powers, and her life.
Comps: I don't immediately recognize "Wicked Fox" or "Dragonpearl" so I would just say SPIRITED AWAY+RICK RIORDAN.
1 instead of including the name hulijing just say fox spirit. I'd avoid the word pandemic. Clarify the stakes for Sierra. 2 is so out of the normal structure I don't get a clear idea of the stakes. 3 excellent! Love this one! Great job. Hope my thoughts help, but remember, they are just my thoughts so please do what you think is best. Jenn