@Michelle Keener, Author @Mica Kole @michaelmammayauthor @carlycdebaca Hi everyone! Thank you so much for your tips! You've all been very helpful in directing me in my edits. Initially, I thought Twitter pitches were supposed to be more like what you see on a movie poster. I'm happy to see that's not the case and that it's closer to a query letter than I thought. I really appreciate all the advice! Thank you

I agree with Michael and Mica that it needs a bit more specificity. I don;t think you need the "determined to return home" bit because we can assume she wants to go home. Can you add why the goblins want her? is it for a purpose or just because that's what goblins do?

So maybe "Kidnapped by goblins for her....( add what they want from her) Claire has three days to escape or the door to her world will close forever. But...(add the stakes here. What has she uncovered? Why can't she just run for home, what is making her hesitate?)"

Good luck!!

There's a lot of vagueness here, so I agree with Michael. Why was she kidnapped, why does she only have three days, what potential secret is she facing? These things will help this stand out. You can cut the "revolve around her" and "determined to get home" because we can assume that. "Tantalizing web" is cliche. Specificity will help you on this one :)

I’d love to see more detail. Web of secrets is pretty generic, and could apply to many books. What secrets? Of corse it revolves around her. She’s the main character. By definition it revolves around her. Can we get a hint Of what she’s up against? What makes your story different from the other 100 pitches I’m going to see that day if I’m an agent?

Oh! This sounds like you could comp it with Labyrinth!

I feel like we can take a lot of what you got and smooth it out a bit. I can see the sort of intrigue you're going for, but it reads a little funny (to me). Here's my suggestion - take it or leave it, you won't hurt my feelings! :)

Clair’s been kidnapped - by goblins. She has three days to escape before the door to her world closes forever and she's determined to return home, but she soon discovers a tantalizing web of secrets that all revolve around her.

#PitDark #YA #MR #FA

There seems to be some unsaid stuff with that last line. Do these secrets make her want to stay? If so, maybe add a line like this...

...that all revolve around her. Now she has to choose: go home or stay forever.

Or something like that. (Obviously I don't know the story like you do, so it's up to you!) I hope this helps!