All good points above, so I'll be succinct:

#1: Run-of-the-mill sounding setting and goal. Vague inciting incident.

#2: Run-of-the-mill sounding setting. Vague inciting incident and goal.

#3: Trouble seeing the actual plot. Seems to have character arc (wanting to get away, but having to go back and instead escape within heartbreak) and it doesn't highlight the run-of-the-mill stuff as much, so it's the strongest.

My overall thoughts:

• don't draw attention to the "farm girl to city girl" trope unless you give it a unique twist (eg off-the-grid, Mennonite upbringing)

• focus more on the character arc/main conflict (wanting to be free but being forced back and finding freedom in a new way, etc etc)

Yay for women's fiction! I'm cheering for you!

A few overall suggestions. You don't need to include the title. Cut that & it will free up some space in your pitches. Also, it's important to clarify the tragedy. Tragedy means too many different things to different. It could be a death, it could be a plague, it could be a pet dying, it could be a bad grade on a test. Go ahead and be more upfront with the tragedy so we know why it's a big deal to her & causes her to rethink her decision to leave.

#1: I'm a little confused by this one. Magic & heroic implies a fantasy feel. But small town and holding down a job feels more contemporary. Maybe clarify the atmosphere you're going for here.

#2: To me, Eliza Doolittle makes me think that someone else is the architect of her change. In My Fair Lady it was Henry Higgins who started Eliza on her journey. Does this fit your story? It also leaves me with the question, why? Why does she leave the magical woods? Why does she want to go to a small-town?

#3: This one makes it sound like she got lost as opposed to choosing to leave, and the conflict isn't clear.

Here's a suggestion (and it's only a suggestion so feel free to take what appeals to you and ignore the rest):

Raised in a magic forest, Claire runs away to find adventure in the non-magical world. Small-town life has it's appeal, but when (insert tragedy here) she must choose between the life she's made or the home she left behind.

I hope some of that helps. Good luck!

1 maybe drop the book name and name the young woman. Are the woods literally magical? Why would a small town offer chances to be heroic? What is your inciting incident? Could you put it in here? Tragedy strikes is very vague and a bit over done. Can you be super specific with this? 2 we isn't my playground, but I'm not sure if use 5 words to describe the type of story. I like this one a lot. What does find brave self mean? What do you mean by one of her own? 3 oh I love this one! Just clarify this tragedy strikes. I how this helps. These are just my thoughts to be used or rejected. Please don't take them personally. I only mean them to help and if they don't then ignore them. Okay? Jenn

I want to say up front that nothing I'm saying here is meant to embarrass you or make you feel bad. I offer this in the spirit of helping you make your pitches better. After reading these, I still don't know what your book is about or much about the main character beyond her name and that she's facing grief. I do understand that womens fiction is different in many ways from spec fiction, but I still think we need a better feel for Cassidy and what she has to do. For example, in pitch 1, we learn that tragedy strikes. First, I think tragedy is pretty generic...can we know what happens? Second, once tragedy strikes, what does she have to do to overcome it? What's on the line if she fails? In #2, you take a shot at those stakes...she must find her brave self or risk losing one of her own. But that could apply to lots of books. Can you get more specific or give us some detail that applies uniquely to yours?