Hi everyone. This is my first #PitMad. Thank you so much for all your help. This experience could be daunting, but the prep for it so far has been great. I'm only working with 2 pitches this time around.
1.
Up to her Rolex in debt, Victoria inherits her estranged mother’s restaurant. The valet’s always drunk, the chef conspires with an imaginary friend, and the manager wants to backstab Victoria with a steak knife.
If they weren’t her siblings, she’d axe them.
*NOTE - originally for the last line I had 'she'd fire them' but someone earlier mentioned it wasn't strong enough to keep up with the first paragraph. Thoughts on this? Thanks!
2.
Thrown together by tragedy, five feuding siblings attempt to raise their dead mother’s restaurant from the grave.
When they discover their mother was oven mitts deep in criminal dealings, hangry customers are the least of their worries.
I really appreciate all your help in advance! Good luck to everyone!
Wow! I LOVE that first one. It is really attention grabbing. I like it just the way it is. My only suggestion for it, if you have the character space, would be to put a line space between the last line & the tags so the line stands out a bit more. It would help to have some of the criminal element in it, but I wouldn't want to risk messing up the flow.
Maybe there's a way to bring in some of that sass with #2:
After their mother dies, debt-ridden Victoria, and her four siblings (the drunk, the crazy, and the conniving...does the 4h have a descriptor?) attempt to raise their mother’s restaurant from the grave.
When they discover their mother was oven mitts deep in criminal dealings, hangry customers are the least of their worries.
#PitMad #A #HA #MA
That's only a quick thought. I really, truly, madly, like both of your pitches just as they are...I just like to be helpful and I can't help myself. :)
Good luck!!