I'd appreciate any feedback on these.
Pitch 1:
#PitMad #SF #A Most people view the anti-government, pro–genetic-engineering group Perfection as harmless whacktivists. But Imperial agent Lord Joma discovers that Perfection has created a system that could bring down the Emperor—a system they call the Godmaker. DUNE × JAMES BOND
Pitch 2:
DUNE meets JAMES BOND. The Emperor’s agent and brother, Lord Joma, has superhuman senses and the best training and tech. Now, facing a seemingly impossible murder and his daughter’s unique learning disability, Joma may find that these advantages aren’t enough. #PitMad #SF #A
Pitch 3:
#PitMad #SF #A The Emperor’s top physician-scientist is assassinated. His apprentice, Bekkah, must step into his shoes. Imperial agent Lord Joma must investigate. And Joma’s teenage daughter, Ennari, is forced to tag along. It’s going to be a rough week. DUNE × JAMES BOND
Pitch 1:
#PitMad #SF #A Most people view the anti-government, pro–genetic-engineering group Perfection as harmless whacktivists. But Imperial agent Lord Joma discovers that Perfection has created a system that could bring down the Emperor—a system they call the Godmaker. DUNE × JAMES BOND Too much book-specific detail that the main conflict is lost, but I like the info given on Perfection.
Pitch 2:
DUNE meets JAMES BOND. The Emperor’s agent and brother, Lord Joma, has superhuman senses and the best training and tech. Now, facing a seemingly impossible murder and his daughter’s unique learning disability, Joma may find that these advantages aren’t enough. #PitMad #SF #A A little cluttered. Might cut out "emperor's agent and brother" and just sau "Lord Joma. Also it sounds like his daughter only just now got a disability?
Pitch 3:
#PitMad #SF #A The Emperor’s top physician-scientist is assassinated. His apprentice, Bekkah, must step into his shoes. Imperial agent Lord Joma must investigate. And Joma’s teenage daughter, Ennari, is forced to tag along. It’s going to be a rough week. DUNE × JAMES BOND Basically just a list of characters without a good sense of stakes.
Overall:
I want to see what's at stake. Why is bringing down the Emperor bad and solving the murder so important? For example...
When the empire's top scientist is murdered, the bioengineered Lord Joma must find the killer... but his search reveals that a previously-ignored anti-government, pro–genetic-engineering group might have something nasty in store... and his teen daughter might be the first victim. (obviously a complete example as I don't know what happens.)