I'd appreciate any feedback on these.
Pitch 1:
#PitMad #SF #A Most people view the anti-government, pro–genetic-engineering group Perfection as harmless whacktivists. But Imperial agent Lord Joma discovers that Perfection has created a system that could bring down the Emperor—a system they call the Godmaker. DUNE × JAMES BOND
Pitch 2:
DUNE meets JAMES BOND. The Emperor’s agent and brother, Lord Joma, has superhuman senses and the best training and tech. Now, facing a seemingly impossible murder and his daughter’s unique learning disability, Joma may find that these advantages aren’t enough. #PitMad #SF #A
Pitch 3:
#PitMad #SF #A The Emperor’s top physician-scientist is assassinated. His apprentice, Bekkah, must step into his shoes. Imperial agent Lord Joma must investigate. And Joma’s teenage daughter, Ennari, is forced to tag along. It’s going to be a rough week. DUNE × JAMES BOND
Dune and James Bond! Super cool!
#1: I like the inclusion of The Godmaker at the end...it's a really intriguing word. There is a bit too much world building & not enough on the character/conflict. Because I haven;t read the book I don't know if it's a goo thing Perfection is anti-government or a bad thing. I don't know how to feel about the world right now. Also, the words Imperial Agent made me think Joma is a villian, not a hero (but that it probably my own Star Wars based bias) For this one, I would suggest cutting some of the world building & focusing more on the conflict Joma faces.
#2: I like the introduction of the murder. Very attention grabbing. But what murder? What does Joma have to do with it? Is he investigating it? Is he planning it? What is at stake if he fails? I'm not sure the part about his daughter fits. It's a nice details, but how does it impact the central conflict?
#3: Interesting characters, but I'm not sure how they fit together. Starting with the assassination is great! It needs conflict.
Good luck!