Found a few more I'd used for a different novel (none of them gained any traction), but also putting them up as examples.
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17-yead-old Syl wanted one thing - to win the annual dance competition for a fifth-straight year. Then people started dying. Now, with an unstoppable predator prowling the woods, and her father alone on the road, Syl must risk her life to bring him home safe.
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Pounding drums and a dance that shakes the valley, Syl is the favorite to win the annual dance competition. But, when people start getting killed, hunter, Syl must choose between winning the title or saving the one thing just as important to her - her father.
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In their secluded, peaceful valley, 17-year-old Syl's biggest worry was winning the annual dance competition. That was, until bodies started turning up. Now, despite the risk, Syl must race ahead of the unrelenting hunter, and warn her father, or lose him to its claws.
These are well-constructed CHARACTER + PLOT/CONFLICT + STAKES style pitches that take full advantage of the 280 character count! It just goes to show that sometimes luck and the right eyes on your pitch matter a little more than well-constructed pitches.
I think, though you could have brought out the CONFLICT a little more. Let's see if I can give you a decent example:
When people start dying, 17 yo Syl's dream of winning the annual dance competition (for her father? with her father?) in her sleepy valley fizzles. Her father is alone on the road, and a predator prowls the woods. If she doesn't find her father and warn him, he'll be the animal's next prey. #PitDark #YA #Spec