The...uh...name of the novel is Worthless, but it always makes post/email headings terribly entertaining. Anyway, I've thrown a bunch of different pitches out into the Twitterverse (and none of them have ever worked!). That said, I'll put some of them down below for ideas (and examples of what NOT to do). You're welcome to critique if you like and tell me what I've been doing wrong all this time! (PS, I am manually typing these out right now, so please ignore any typos)
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Lights keep the monsters at bay. Lights keep people safe. But, with his abusive father's dead body at his feet, X will need to flee the safety of those lights or face a murder rap that means certain death.
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X never had much, but he's got a lot of something now: problems. A dead body, trigger-happy soldiers on his tail, and a woman with a secret at his side. Oh, and then there's the bloodthirsty creatures of literal shadows that ended the world. They don't like him either.
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On the run for a crime he didn't (exactly) commit, X will risk his life for freedom in the world outside the city's lights. But the lights were the only things keeping the shadows back. And they're hungry.
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X will do almost anything to escape poverty and his abusive father, including leaving the city's protective lights to search for treasure in the Night-stained worled outside. A world where, with each setting sun, bloodthirsty creatures of literal shadow rule the night.
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Dead father (his fault?), angry soldiers with automatics weapons (not completely his fault), and bloodthirsty creatures of literal shadow that rule the night (totally not his fault). X's got a lot on his hands as he flees across the country.
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Abusive father, crushing poverty, soldiers with automatic weapons, and the literal darkness that ended the world. X isn't sure what's worse, but he's running from them all. (Spoiler - They catch up.)
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For X, survival outside humanity's last city comes down to one simple thing: keep the lights on.
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When the Night wants to eat your face, the open road isn't the best place to be when the sun sets.
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The Night killed billions. X doesn't want to be its +1.
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Stories don't do it justice. When the sun sets and the Night comes, there's only one choice - Run.
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When the only thing between X and death is a flashlight, what happens when he runs out of batteries?
I have 0 objectivity about this ms because its my favourite! Nothing constructive to add. Moving on.
Carter, I see a tendency towards listing. And while cool things are cool, lists do not a good pitch make. Try your hand at a CHARACTER + PLOT/CONFLICT + STAKES style pitch, which, really, none of these follow. Let me show you what a couple could possibly look like:
X's abusive father is dead and everyone thinks he did it. But with creatures of nightmare prowling outside, he must take a chance to prove to gun-wielding soldiers he's innocent, or face the unending terrors of darkness as he flees for the rest of his life. #PitDark #YA #Spec
Everyone thinks X killed his abusive father. Now he's on the run. If he wants to survive the nightmare creatures prowling the darkness, he must prove his innocence. If not, he'll have to survive the night for the rest of his short life. #PitDark #YA #Spec
The first may be a little long... But the idea is to use your cool concept without getting too world-buildy. Use specifics, but don't be so specific that we need an explanation of what a capitalized "Night" means.
And as always, if I write a pitch that you love and want to do something with, whether in part or in whole... Please feel free to use it in any way you feel like!
Hi Carter,
I’ll start with the elimination process, then we will see what the others have to say. Those I would delete are in red.
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Lights keep the monsters at bay. Lights keep people safe. But, with his abusive father's dead body at his feet, X will need to flee the safety of those lights or face a murder rap that means certain death.
__
X never had much, but he's got a lot of something now: problems. A dead body, trigger-happy soldiers on his tail, and a woman with a secret at his side. Oh, and then there's the bloodthirsty creatures of literal shadows that ended the world. They don't like him either.
__
On the run for a crime he didn't (exactly) commit, X will risk his life for freedom in the world outside the city's lights. But the lights were the only things keeping the shadows back. And they're hungry.
__
X will do almost anything to escape poverty and his abusive father, including leaving the city's protective lights to search for treasure in the Night-stained worled outside. A world where, with each setting sun, bloodthirsty creatures of literal shadow rule the night.
__
Dead father (his fault?), angry soldiers with automatics weapons (not completely his fault), and bloodthirsty creatures of literal shadow that rule the night (totally not his fault). X's got a lot on his hands as he flees across the country.
__
Abusive father, crushing poverty, soldiers with automatic weapons, and the literal darkness that ended the world. X isn't sure what's worse, but he's running from them all. (Spoiler - They catch up.)
__
For X, survival outside humanity's last city comes down to one simple thing: keep the lights on.
__
When the Night wants to eat your face, the open road isn't the best place to be when the sun sets.
__
The Night killed billions. X doesn't want to be its +1.
__
Stories don't do it justice. When the sun sets and the Night comes, there's only one choice - Run.
__
When the only thing between X and death is a flashlight, what happens when he runs out of batteries?
I’ll be back. ;-)