Hi All!
I'd love some feedback on my YA psychological thriller. I seem to never have any luck at these pitching contests, so let me know what works and what doesn't. Thank you!
(1)
A violent prison, mind bending drugs, and a doomed romance with his influencer boyfriend that ends in murder. Will escaping juvie be enough to save 16yo Julian's mind?
(2)
16yo mega rich Julian killed his boyfriend. Or did he? He can barely remember. In prison he'll discover the truth through a serum that makes him confront his darkest memories. Again and again.
(3)
No one believes 16yo Julian didn’t murder his influencer boyfriend, but at this experimental detention center, he gets the chance to prove his innocence by doing a drug study that makes him repeatedly relive his crime. Hopefully, not at the cost of his sanity.
(4)
Julian didn't kill his influencer boyfriend. Well, he can't remember, but he's 99.9% sure. In juvie, the only way to prove his innocence is through an experiment drug study that makes him relive his darkest memories. He just hopes that 0.01% doesn't prove him wrong.
I like #2 and #4. In #4, you need to change experiment to experimental. #3 is confusing...he didn't do it, but he's reliving the crime. Those don't add up to me.
#1 I really don't love the last line. Asking a question in a twitter pitch doesn't work for me. Because we know the answer, right? It wouldn't be much of a book if the answer was no. I'd rather here something about what he has to face, what's standing in his way...okay, he's got to escape juvie. What's he up against? What happens if he fails?