Hi!
I plan on doing both PitDark and PitMad and have four pitches I have been working on. I would love any and all feedback.
Thanks so much for taking the time to do this. It is so appreciated :)
2 CAN KEEP A SECRET + SADIE
18yo May discovers her mother was abducted before she was born & is the reason her twin has been missing for a year. May’s determined to track her sister down, even if it means confronting her worst fear: her father.
SADIE + 2 CAN KEEP A SECRET
When May finds clues her twin hid before she went missing, she learns their mother also vanished years ago & the twins were a result of that disappearance. May will either find her sister or the monster who shares the blood in her veins. #PitDark #YA #M
When a secret from her mother’s past leads 18yo May to a series of clues her missing twin left behind, May is sure her sister is alive. Only finding her means tracking the man who abducted their mother many years ago: their father. #PitDark #YA #M
May’s life sucks. Her twin's been missing for a year & she just buried her mother. Then May finds an article linking her mother’s past to her twin's disappearance. Only finding her sister means tracking her mother’s abductor who shares the blood in her veins.
2 CAN KEEP A SECRET + SADIE
18yo May uncovers she is a result (or product?) of her mother's past abduction & is the reason her twin has been missing for a year. < bit too much going on here, hard to parse. Tracking her sister means confronting her new worst fear: her father.
#PitDark #YA #M < I just think this can be said in a less convoluted way. Wondering how the twin fits in. Maybe you started at the wrong place, put the bg info first. Eg "A year after her twin's disappearance, May learns se and her sister might have been products of her mother's abduction... and their father came back to claim one of his own." This still doesn't give much about her storyline in trying to find her sister, though.
May’s life sucks. Her twin's been missing for a year & she just buried her mother. Then May finds an article linking her mother’s past to her twin's disappearance. Finding her sister means tracking the man who took their mother & shares the blood in her veins. <I prefer number one, with the background info rearranged more organically. Both of them seem to lack much info about her specific struggle now. How will she track this man? What does she have to fear from him? The background could be more succinct to leave room for the main conflict or character development.
#PitDark #YA #M