Hi!
I plan on doing both PitDark and PitMad and have four pitches I have been working on. I would love any and all feedback.
Thanks so much for taking the time to do this. It is so appreciated :)
2 CAN KEEP A SECRET + SADIE
18yo May discovers her mother was abducted before she was born & is the reason her twin has been missing for a year. May’s determined to track her sister down, even if it means confronting her worst fear: her father.
SADIE + 2 CAN KEEP A SECRET
When May finds clues her twin hid before she went missing, she learns their mother also vanished years ago & the twins were a result of that disappearance. May will either find her sister or the monster who shares the blood in her veins. #PitDark #YA #M
When a secret from her mother’s past leads 18yo May to a series of clues her missing twin left behind, May is sure her sister is alive. Only finding her means tracking the man who abducted their mother many years ago: their father. #PitDark #YA #M
May’s life sucks. Her twin's been missing for a year & she just buried her mother. Then May finds an article linking her mother’s past to her twin's disappearance. Only finding her sister means tracking her mother’s abductor who shares the blood in her veins.
Hi! 1 discovers kind of sets the tone that things are happening to May. By rephrasing you can give a taste of agency. 18yo May's mother was abducted before she was born... (How could this be the reason her twin is missing? Maybe show the connection here. ) I love the worst fear father. 2 this one is very interesting and engaging. I wanted to read all of it and it flows well. 8 really want to know how the mothers disappearance and the twins Connect. Excellent ending! 3 oh this one is solid and clear! 4 this is great until the last line. It's not clear who that is and I think it's important that you say who it is here. These are just my thoughts. How they help. If not, just ignore them. Okay? Jenn