Hi everyone! So happy to find this forum, especially so close to #pitdark. I would really appreciate some feedback on these pitches... brutal honesty preferred!
Thanks so much!
#1! When Galaxy kills her royal father, the experience feels bittersweet. On one hand, her lifelong torturer is dead. On the other, she doesn’t get to kill him again. Unsatisfied, she settles for killing his legacy instead.
The Milky Way is under new management. #PitDark #A #SF
#2! With help from her sociopathic girlfriend and probably the worst father figure ever, Galaxy starts an intergalactic war as revenge for her miserable life. Her goal? Anarchy, baby. But when she burns it all down, she may find nothing but regrets in the ashes. #PitDark #A #SF
#3! Galaxy incites intergalactic war as revenge for her miserable life. As the Milky Way burns, however, she discovers new friends and old consumed by the blaze. To save them, she must find a way to undo her mistakes—or at the very least, throw herself onto the fire. #PitDark #A #SF
I'm unpublished and unagented, so take my comments with a pound of salt.
Is this novel a dark comedy? If so, then these two revised pitches are really capturing that, and I like it. Although "legacy" in pitch #1 is a little vague, whereas pitch #2 tells me exactly what Galaxy is trying to do.