Hi Barrie! Honestly, I like both pitches! The other advice here is good and I can't add anything else. Well done!

I'm intrigued Barrie! The talking to animals part is eye-catching and that's great. I have a little bit of a question on "the dangerous man imprisons him" part. That is why she wants her dad back, right? It reads a bit like her dad was gone and she wanted him back and then he was also imprisoned by a dangerous man. But that's a small quibble. :)

I think your pitches are good as they are, but I wanted to play around with one of them just to give you a few more ideas.

12yo Lily can talk to animals, but all she wants is to rescue her dad. Lily and her friends embark on a dangerous journey to save her dad from the (criminal/scientist/former business partner) who kidnapped him. But the island's ancient power may destroy them all before she finds him.

Good luck!

This is a compelling premise, Barrie. Well done. My personal preference is your second one, because the stakes (Dad is lost forever) is more personal to Lily.

REVISION

I see that most people post 3 versions of their pitch, so how it's OK to post these two alternatives. Thank you so much in advance...

1. 12yo Lily can talk to animals, but she’s not sure if it’ll help her get her dad back. Hoping to rescue him from where he’s imprisoned on a faraway island, Lily and her friends must cross jungles and seas and figure out the island’s deadly secret before Dad is lost forever.

#PitMad #MG

2. 12yo Lily can talk to animals, but all she wants is her dad back. When a dangerous man imprisons him on a faraway island, she and her friends embark on a treacherous journey to reach him, but the island hides an ancient power that threatens everyone she loves.

#PitMad #MG

This is good. You've got character, goal, obstacle, and stakes. If you want to play with it, I think you could get a little more specific on a couple of the things. 'Hides a deadly secret' is something that can apply to tons of books...it's generic, right? If you can make it more unique to your book, I think it's a bit stronger. It's kind of a toss up. You sometimes don't want to give stuff away...but in this case, you need something to hook an agent in a huge field, so it's probably worth it to spill a bit of what makes your book special. In a query, you would *definitely* want to be more specific. Also, if we can get more clarity on what the real story is, that would help. She has to cross jungle and seas...is that the conflict? Like is it a travel adventure story? Or is the story more about the dangerous man? Whichever it is, if you could give us more about that one aspect...something specific...I think it would help. Remember, you can make more than one pitch, so doing one thing in one and another thing in another is an option.