I'd be very grateful for any advice on the following pitch...
12-year-old Lily can talk to animals, but all she wants is her dad back. When a dangerous man imprisons him on a faraway island, she and her friends must cross jungles and seas to reach him, but the island hides a deadly secret that threatens everyone she loves.
REVISION
I see that most people post 3 versions of their pitch, so how it's OK to post these two alternatives. Thank you so much in advance...
1. 12yo Lily can talk to animals, but she’s not sure if it’ll help her get her dad back. Hoping to rescue him from where he’s imprisoned on a faraway island, Lily and her friends must cross jungles and seas and figure out the island’s deadly secret before Dad is lost forever.
#PitMad #MG
2. 12yo Lily can talk to animals, but all she wants is her dad back. When a dangerous man imprisons him on a faraway island, she and her friends embark on a treacherous journey to reach him, but the island hides an ancient power that threatens everyone she loves.
#PitMad #MG