I have slightly more detailed pitches but then I don't have room for comps so I'll post the ones w/comps and see what people think! My story doesn't fit for PitDark so I'll be doing another PitMad. Since the r/relationship style one got me an agent like, it's back this round.
VELOCITY WEAPON + CHILLING EFFECT
I'm (31F) the deaf co-captain of a smuggling ship. My partner (30M) and I want to retire & start a family, but having trouble #TTC. Do we put our dreams on hold & convince our friends to fight colonizing aliens? #PitMad #A #SF
STARS UNCHARTED + VELOCITY WEAPON
Smugglers Mary & Davi plan to retire & start a family. But they'll need to put those dreams on hold to rally a resistance against colonizing aliens – or there won't be a free place to raise a child. #PitMad #A #SF #Infertility #Deaf
CHILLING EFFECT + CRUEL STARS
Just a few more smuggling jobs until Mary & Davi can retire and start #IVF. But colonizing aliens force a choice between putting that dream on hold to fight back or not having a free universe to raise a child in. #PitMad #A #SF #Deaf
#2 and #3 seem solid to me, no critique there. I agree with Michael that you should tag it #own if you have experience being deaf, even if it might not be permanent.
Please don’t take this as insensitive. Are you deaf? If so, add the hashtag #own to indicate that. Like it or not, that matters in the current publishing environment.
i like the reddit post idea, and I think your comps are great. This would be good for SFFpit as well, when that comes back, because often Brit Hvide shows up there and indicates books she likes. You can’t submit to her, but since she’s an editor at orbit you can use it as you query agents. She happens to have edited Velocity Weapon.
VELOCITY WEAPON + CHILLING EFFECT I'm (31F) the deaf co-captain of a smuggling ship. My partner (30M) and I want to retire & start a family, but having trouble #TTC. Do we put our dreams on hold & convince our friends to fight colonizing aliens? #PitMad #A #SF
Overall, I like this pitch and how it's set up. It took me a minute to understand what #TTC means (I had to read the other pitches to get it), which means it may be confusing for some agents also. The use of a hashtag with TTC might take an agent to the Transit Toronto, which would only confuse them more. ALL that said, I may be alone in that because I'm fortunate enough to have not used that tag before - it may jump out to some agents! The second line sounds strange starting with "Do" and might flow more with the word "Should" instead. Some rearranging might need to be done, though, if the character count is tight.
STARS UNCHARTED + VELOCITY WEAPON Smugglers Mary & Davi plan to retire & start a family. But they'll need to put those dreams on hold to rally a resistance against colonizing aliens – or there won't be a free place to raise a child. #PitMad #A #SF #Infertility #Deaf
I REALLY like this pitch! It's clear, intros the characters, their desires, outlines the plot, and shows the risks. The tags are a great way to show the important aspects, as well. I give this one an A++! CHILLING EFFECT + CRUEL STARS Just a few more smuggling jobs until Mary & Davi can retire and start #IVF. But colonizing aliens force a choice between putting that dream on hold to fight back or not having a free universe to raise a child in. #PitMad #A #SF #Deaf
Another solid pitch. The tag for IVF is perfect - it tells me how they're struggling personally. Again, it outlines the plot and risks and tells me the critical details that make the story captivating. I really like this one, too! :)