Thank you for this great opportunity. I'm an emerging writer who will pitch my first #YA novel at #PitMad. I've written three pitches for my story. I will appreciate your comments and suggestions. Regards, Lou
KARATE KID x YAQUI DELGADO
To escape a bully, STEM whiz Cindy joins a mysterious school inside a coal mine, but her rivalry with Melissa for a dream job in the genetics lab brings familiar terror and challenges her self-respect. #PracPit #YA #CON #AD
To escape a bully, STEM prodigy Cindy joins a school secreted in a coal mine by a fugitive scientist. But to get her dream job in the genetics lab, Cindy must overcome her terror of Melissa, who will do anything to get the job and Cindy's boyfriend. #PracPit #YA #CON #AD
Bullied STEM whiz Cindy runs away to join other prodigies at a mysterious school run by a fugitive geneticist in a coal mine. There she must compete with intimidating, win-at-all costs Melissa for a job in the genetics lab and the affections of Jeremy. #PracPit #YA #CON #AD
I've revised all three pitches. Please share additional comments. I want to thank Query Connection for holding this valuable event, as well as the moderators and writers who took time for me. I hope you see your suggestions reflected in the revisions.
I'd also like your opinion about sub-genres. I was curious about using #STEM as one. But I'm concerned about filtering out agents who aren't looking for STEM per se and might otherwise be seeing a #CON #AD story. Thoughts?
Thank you, Lou.
#1 v2
KARATE KID x YAQUI DELGADO
To escape a bully, STEM whiz Cindy runs away to a school hidden in a coal mine by an outlaw geneticist. But her rivalry with cutthroat Melissa for a dream internship in his lab brings a familiar terror she cannot run away from. #PracPit #YA #CON #AD
#2 v2
To escape a bully, STEM prodigy Cindy joins a school concealed in a coal mine by a fugitive scientist. But to get her dream job in his genetics lab, Cindy must compete with Melissa, a huge girl who will do anything to get the job and Cindy's boyfriend. #PracPit #YA #CON #AD
#3 v2
STEM whiz Cindy escapes a bully when she joins a school for prodigies concealed in a coal mine by a fugitive geneticist. He offers her a dream internship in his lab if she bests intimidating, win-at-all costs Melissa in a competition complicated by a boy. #PracPit #YA #CON #AD