I'm going to go in reverse order. In the second one, I strongly think you should start with Faye. By starting with El, I initially think she's the main character. In the second half, I think you're using a lot of words to convey not a lot of substance. A dark legacy is pretty generic, and we don't really get any idea of the world, the obstacles she will face, or what she'll have to do. I think we need at least some of that to give us a feel for the story. In the first one, the first half feels a bit distancing. With no name up front and no sense of the world, it almost comes off as a little clinical. (Others may disagree with me on this...I've seen some pitches use this format and make it work). In the second half it's slightly better than the version in pitch 2, because it's got rescue in there, which is more active than 'if she wants El back,' which might indicate someone giving her back.